'My mom thinks I’m putting turkey over my own family': Siblings squabble over vegan turkey dinner for Thanksgiving meal

Author image for Remy Millisky
Remy Millisky • Writer and Editor
Oct 4, 2024 5:00 PM EDT

This family is having a major argument over what to eat for a holiday meal!

Each family has their own unique traditions and menus for their holidays. For many people, the meat depends on the holiday: for some, ham is reserved for Easter, while cooking a big turkey is reserved for Thanksgiving and Christmas. You've got to have a lot of side dishes too: many people eat mashed potatoes, green beans, cornbread, cranberry sauce, collard greens, sweet yams, beans, or myriad other dishes. That way, everyone gets fed, no matter what their dietary restrictions are. After all, almost every family has a member with a peanut allergy, a gluten sensitivity, or a vegan diet. I've been to numerous family gatherings where people had these issues and it was pretty easy to cater to them. Just pick a few dishes to make with their needs in mind. There's no need to make a big deal out of it… But at this family dinner, two siblings are seriously disagreeing about what to have for their meal. You can read the full story below, and see if you agree with the original poster, or with her brother, a militant vegan who refuses to be at the same table as a meat product. 

Next up, read about this HOA volunteer who keeps bugging her neighbor's boss about his vehicle and begging him to replace it because "He needs to own a nice car." 

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  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10412263424
    via Karolina Grabowska for Unsplash+
  • 02
    AITA for refusing to cook a vegetarian Thanksgiving dinner? I feel like I've slipped into the twilight zone with this whole argument, so tell me what's up, internet folks.
    via u/Suspicious-Basil7882
  • 03
    Background: I (31F) and my brother Mark (35M) do not get along. When he was a teen he saw a documentary on factory farming and decided to become a vegetarian. He got very, very annoying about it quickly, but my dad shut him down when he started trying to get the rest of us to be vegetarian with him. Then he went to college, made a bunch of very strange friends, and went militantly vegan. It's his entire personality. I stopped talking to him after he threw a fit
    via u/Suspicious-Basil7882
  • 04
    about one of my birthday dinners being at a steakhouse and spammed my messages and SM with pictures of abused cows. My parents have been trying to repair the situation and for a while, it did seem like Mark was getting better so I've been letting him back into contact gradually. Then he started dating Pam, who is some kind of vegan influencer. She is apparently moderately popular online, but I have no idea what she does exactly. I don't
    via u/Suspicious-Basil7882
  • 05
    know if Mark was trying to impress her or what, but last Thanksgiving he insisted that mom cook at least a vegetarian meal or they wouldn't come on "ethical grounds". My mom just wanted everyone to get along on her favorite holiday, so she agreed. It was not a fun meal.
    via u/Suspicious-Basil7882
  • 06
    This year, my parents have downsized for retirement and my mom is having health problems. I bought their house when they moved, so my mom asked me to host Thanksgiving so it would be like usual. I told everyone in the group chat so Mark and Pam could make travel arrangements and Pam immediately started gushing about all the vegan replacement recipes she could give me to replace the traditional ones. I said to send me a main
    via u/Suspicious-Basil7882
  • 07
    dish recipe they like and I would give it a shot, but I'm making the traditional meal otherwise and there should still be plenty of things they can eat. Mark and Pam have been arguing about this with me for days and then Mark said that if I wouldn't make a meat-free meal they wouldn't come. This upset my mom, who asked me to just make what she made last year to keep the peace, but I told her that Mark needs to get over himself and I'm not
    via u/Suspicious-Basil7882
  • 08
    coddling him. I'm having turkey on Thanksgiving. My dad privately agrees with me, but Mark threatening to not come is upsetting my mom so much. that he's worried it will impact her health. There's a not big, but also not zero chance that these might
    via u/Suspicious-Basil7882
  • 09
    be some of the last family holidays we have with her. My mom thinks I'm putting turkey over my own family and I'm not so sure anymore. AITA?
    via u/Suspicious-Basil7882
  • 10
    CrimsonKnight_... NTA - You're not putting turkey over family-Mark is putting tofurkey over family. You've reasonably accommodated enough with a vegan option. Mark doesn't get to hold holidays hostage because of his own dietary choices. That's ridiculous.
    via u/CrimsonKnight_004
  • 11
    If Mark wants to pitch a fit, that's him. I feel very sorry for your mom, she's the one suffering most here. But she needs to realize that Mark is the one causing this family divide, and it isn't fair to everyone else to cater to his demands.
    via u/CrimsonKnight_004
  • 12
    JadieBugXD My aunt was vegan, she brought her own meals to family gatherings. Why can't they do the same? NTA
    via u/JadieBugXD
  • 13
    HellerrrltsMe Honestly a strange hill for him to die on but... My sis prob saw the same documentary at 15 and has been veg for decades. That being said She brings a lot of her own dishes to thanksgiving and eats what fits her meal plan but understands that isn't everyone's cup of tea. Your body your choice.
    via u/HellerrrltsMe
  • 14
    Thanksgiving is literally about getting together and being grateful for that time. Mark needs to relax and let people live. There will be plenty for him to eat and they can easily make a few dishes to contribute. I would let him skip if that's what he needs to do but ultimately it's sad and petty.
    via u/HellerrrltsMe
  • 15
    bamf1701 NTA. You made a reasonable compromise by offering to make sure that there would be dishes that they could eat. It is fine for them to be vegan, it is not fine for them to force it onto everyone around them. They don't seem to realize that, instead of converting people to their side, they are antagonizing them instead.
    via u/bamf1701
  • 16
    You aren't the one putting food over family - your brother did that long ago by making the ultimatum. And your mother is asking you to give in because she thinks you are easier to deal with than your brother.
    via u/bamf1701
  • 17
    Mention to her that you offered to compromise and they rejected it out of hand. That makes them the unreasonable ones. I doubt it will actually change anyone's minds, but it will hopefully put a worm of doubt in your mother's mind.
    via u/bamf1701
  • 18
    Exact-Area-2243 You're not in the wrong, if they want it so badly they can make it and bring it for themselves!
    via u/Exact-Area-2243
  • 19
    Major_Friendship... NTA. People like Mark and Pam are why negative stereotypes about vegans exist. There are plenty of normal vegans who don't make it their mission to force it down everyone else's throats but then you run into people like these and they just try to ruin everything for everyone.
    via u/Major_Friendship4900
  • 20
    lionessrampant25 I'm split between ESH and NAH. But the q I would ask is: what is Thanksgiving to you? Is it a time to talk to family? Is it a time to eat traditional TG foods? These things seem incompatible right now. So you do have to make a choice. Your mom's peace of mind or your Turkey dinner.
    via u/lionessrampant25
  • 21
    That's not a choice we can tell you. If it were me, and it was my mom who was sick, I would just make the vegan food for everyone and cook my Turkey a different day. I LOVE Thanksgiving food. I also only buy heritage breed turkeys from a local farmer because I also hate factory farms.
    via u/lionessrampant25
  • 22
    But if my sister went off the deep end and went Veganist...yeah I'd prioritize her over my turkey. I'd also prioritize my mom over the Turkey. BUT I wouldn't cook (most of) it. It sounds like your brother and his gf want to make the dinner. Let them. They can make everything at their house and bring it to yours if they want.
    via u/lionessrampant25
  • 23
    If your mom was in a different spot I would offer different advice. But your brother is a brat and you can't change that.
    via u/lionessrampant25

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family drama meals aita thanksgiving meal family vegan happy thanksgiving vegans tofu Turkey
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